Interoffice Romance ~ Good? Bad? Or Ugly?

With Valentine’s Day here, now might be a good time to take a look at love in the workplace. Let me be clear on one thing before going any further – I’m NOT going to try to discourage it from happening, no matter how bad of an idea I may or may not think it is. When there’s a spark between two people, I don’t think it matters where it occurred, and most likely you’re not going to be talked out of it.

Given the amount of time we spend at work; 40-50 hours per week on average, it stands to reason that we’re going todevelop relationships with our co-workers. And it’s a good thing we do; can you imagine what work would be like if nobody got to know each other? I’d be like working with a new set of strangers every day. Having good relationships with your co-workers makes work more pleasant and increases productivity. There’s a good chance that some of these work relationships will develop further, into something more personal and romantic and intimate. However you wish to describe it, or label it, they can be fun, they can be exciting and they can be a career ending mistake.

Having somebody in your office or company that you’re involved with can be a
great motivational factor. Just like dating outside the workplace, you often want to impress the other person, and what better way to do so at work then “showing off” your job skills and talents. You’re likely to be attempting to stand out by increasing your productivity or accuracy, or your work ethics, even the way you dress is likely to change somewhat. Knowing you’re going to come into some kind of contact with that person is likely to make you a little
more self-conscious about all these things. You certainly don’t want them seeing you as sloppy, lazy or non-motivated. So, in those regards, I think dating a coworker can be a very positive event.

Some companies have strict policies against dating coworkers and even more specifically, relationships between bosses and those under him (or her). And arguably so – it could easily be imagined how favoritism could play into that, causing friction and hostility between others in the department or group. Are these rules and policies and restrictions going to stop it from happening? Probably not. It might, however, make you a little more cautious and secretive, which in its own way might make that relationship even more exciting. Keep in mind however, chances are one or both of you have at least one close friend or co-worker who you share secrets and gossip with, and even though they give their word it won’t go any further,you might not be the only co-worker they exchange bits of ‘office news’ with. And let’s say you are able to keep from telling anybody about the two of you, keeping it on the sly. Maybe you’re patting yourselves on the back on how discreet the two of you are and how you’re able to maintain the professional mannerism in the work place. I have news for you: if you’re in a relationship with someone and it’s developed into something you feel you need to keep on the down low, it’s nearly impossible to suppress all those feelings , actions, the little ‘looks’ you give each other, or grin they give you, but nobody else. If you’re in a relationship, all these things exist, to some degree, and you might think the two of you are the only ones who catch them, but you’re probably wrong.

There are fine lines between Friendliness, Friendship, Flirting and Sexual Harassment. And to make it more confusing, those lines vary from person to person. What you may consider ‘just being friendly’, your co-worker, who has different beliefs, views and personal boundaries, may very well perceive your actions as being flirtatious. And vise-versa of course.

Taking it a step further, you might be reading someone’s signs as being flirtatious, when their just being friendly in the way that is natural to them, and your responses to this perceived flirtation may not seem ‘out of line to you’, heck, you’re just flirting back, right? Wrong! Not if they weren’t flirting with you to begin with. Now you’re possibly crossing that line into sexual harassment and offending them. No reason to delve any further into explaining this: We’re all big boys and girls here.

If you’re in the ‘pre-dating’ stage and you think your co-worker has the “hots” for you and you
want to take it further, use caution. Be sure you aren’t reading their actions incorrectly. When in doubt, err on the side of caution.

And finally, I guess something should be mentioned regarding relationships gone badly. I think we all know of, or have been part of an ugly breakup. Its part of life, it happens and although we like to think that special relationship we’re in is going to last forever, or at least when it does end, it’ll be amicable. And hopefully that’s the way it does end if things don’t work out. But when it’s an ugly breakup and your partner is a co-worker, it can be awkward at best and downright a living hell at worst. Remember, you’re still going to be forced to see them to some degree on possibly a daily basis, and maybe have to still work directly with them or for them. You may be able to pick and choose where you go and what you do after work, in order to avoid running into that person, but unless you’re willing to change your place of employment, you don’t have much option here except to put on a good face, grin and bear it and hopefully get

through it without too much embarrassment or suffering.

One last, final thought: Sometimes there can seem to be a fine line between love and stalking, but under no circumstance is stalking an acceptable behavior.

Written by:  Ronald J. Morse, Author

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